Sorry for texting back so fast I’m literally in love with you

My 2021 Datamatch emails, sent out to the entire student body.


Message:


Love is just one survey away…


Datamatch? What’s that?

Are you the chicken tenders fresh out of the fryer, looking for your fries that are always out of stock? Are you the lonely, almost-getting-too-cold bunch of fries that are looking for some (chicken) tender fingers to hold you? Well, you’re in luck. Datamatch is a matchmaking survey by 20-something WashU cupids to help over 2000-something students find love. Yes, we are here to get you laid (or to get your hand held). We are here to find you a person to smash or play Smash with.


How does it work?

Pretty well, in our opinion. All you need to do is sign up at datamatch.me, create a profile, and take our brilliant survey. Then, on Valentine’s Day, your (romantic or platonic) matches will be *magically* revealed to you.

Chat with them through our website, stalk them on social media, write a steamy response on their Canvas discussion post, pin their video on Zoom—or, you know, do something normal, but that’s no fun! At any rate, pwease take our suwvey. 👉👈 We promise it’ll be worth your while.


But I already own last year’s model…

Well, let’s say that last year’s model is a little outdated. This year, we’re really pining to help you find your true love. We’re drawing not just on our patented, world-renowned Algorithm, but also the wisdom of your friends, who always know what’s best for you and would never dream of using a fun new feature to mess with you 😘. 


What we call the Crush Roulette is a new part of our Algorithm that increases the chance of two people matching. It could be your friend and someone you ship them with, or it could be you and someone you’ve been meaning to talk to… Either way, if you put two names into the Roulette, the chance of those two people matching gets boosted. The higher the chance for matching, the higher the chance for hand holding. Oh, man. We’re getting feels just thinking about it.


Take the survey. It’s live right now, and its parents aren’t home. Don’t miss out.


<3,

Your Datamatch Cupids



Message:


Quick! Need another excuse to procrastinate? Datamatch has you covered.


Do you want friends with benefits? Friends with paid sick leave and dental insurance? Well, you only have 5 hours left to sign up for Datamatch and edit your profile. We’ll offer you a promotion if you do—AND, maybe we’ll throw in a referral bonus if you tell your friends to sign up, too. 


Already signed up? Wow, you must be a proactive Olin student who engages with business issues through the application of experiential knowledge, in addition to the rigorous technical skills acquired in the classroom. In the meantime, you can input your date preferences under the Results page, and check your profile to make sure your settings are accurate before we run The Algorithm™! 


Results come out at midnight on the 14th. Be ready.


Much love,

Your Datamatch Cupids



Message:


Datamatch is out right now february 14 if anyone wants to hangout today feb 14 hmu Datamatch is not doing anything and matches are out right now on feb 14 so if you wanted to hang out on February 14 we might be available


Reminder: Matches are all mutual, so if someone shows up on your match page, you show up in theirs. If you get butterflies, click the "match" button to indicate interest -- if they also "match" with you, you both will be notified and a chat box will open up in the website!


Didn’t match with your crush? Don’t you mean that you didn’t match with your crush yet? You can look up any other Datamatch user using our Search tool, and click “match.” Again, if they feel the same, you’ll both know. And if they don’t, nobody but you will know you tried.


Happy matching,

“Go on your great adventure again” - Lorde, The Love Club,

Your Datamatch Cupids



Message:


Greetings, valued student,


Love is just one more* survey away.


“Your course evaluation feedback is a critical piece used by instructors, departments and the administration to improve the learning community at WashU Datamatch. We ask that you provide a fair and honest assessment of your learning experience in our survey. We ask that you PLEASE GIVE US VALIDATION (or degradation, if you’re into that 😏). We strongly encourage you to add additional comments where possible.”


We’re asking a penny for your thoughts, but if you volunteer your feedback, you’re putting in your two cents, thereby doubling the value of your opinions!


Please do it. It’s right here, and it’s just baked cookies for you. Thanks.


We love you,

We’ll miss you,

There are 358* days until Datamatch 2022,

Signing off,

Signing back on to check if you saw this message,

Hiding our phone under the covers so our parents don’t see we’re up this late talking to strangers online,

Sorry for texting back so fast I’m literally in love with you,

Your Datamatch Cupids